Lessons From Marriage: Great Expectations

Expectations in Marriage

Lesson #3:  Great Expectations

There are two weeks every year that are difficult on our marriage.  The first week comes in August and the second week comes in January.  My husband is a hall director, so when the students return to the residence halls in August and January he is working constantly: getting the building ready, training new staff, and dealing with issues that arise.  Every year I think I will be able to handle this week and every year it creates tension between the two of us, and I think a lot of that tension has to do with expectations.

I think expectations are the number one cause of issues in a marriage.  When we get married we bring expectations into the marriage.  She may expect that her husband will romance her every day of the year,  and he may expect that his wife will love cleaning and cooking dinner for him every night.  Sometimes those expectations are good, but other times they create discontentment.

Taking this past week as an example, I expected to see Den for at least an hour or so every night and he expected me to be patient and happy with him when he finally came home long after 5pm.  Well, neither of our expectations were met, which resulted in me giving him the “death look” and a cold shoulder.  I was expecting to spend more time with him, and when I couldn’t see him as much as I thought I put the blame on him because he didn’t meet my expectations.  He was then upset with me for being upset with him.  Viscious cycle.  Sound familiar?

It might be good to plan to have your expectations not met.  High expectations are good, but not when they result in discontentment for you and your spouse.  We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our spouses with these “perfect” expectations. Next time you get upset with your spouse, stop and think. You just might find you had created an expectation you weren’t even aware of…

Think about it!

Check out others in the series:

  1. Pay Attention to Wise Advice
  2. Pre-planning Grace
  3. Great Expectations
  4. Family Matters
  5. Communication
  6. Finding a New Normal
  7. Date Night
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